Private Eye Monkey, Comments&Ideas please

I'm writing a book called Private Eye Monkey. It's a comedy book about a private eye monkey on a mission to stop a terrorist type bad-guy named Yap Balloon. I decided to type the first part of the book and ask you to comment on what you think about it and what I should change, put in, etc. Here it is.

One day I was running around on my office celling, when a weird man with a big, golden Afro and long nose-hair barged in and frantically yelled, "Private Eye Monkey! A vial of pure stench soup has been stolen by a team of diabolical elite forces, called the team of diabolical elite forces. Their leader Yap Balloon is planning to use his Super Stench Spreader 10,000 to spread the stench all over the world, unless President Crusty the Clown gives him all the Vaseline in the world!"

"Why would I care?"

"President Crusty must give Yap Balloon's vice villain guy all the bananas in the world."

"That mad-man must be stopped! What do I need to do?"

"You must go to New Zealand, sneak into Yap Balloons base, take back the stench soup, then launch it (the stench soup) to one of those gas planets, like Neptune or something, then tell the president when you're done."

"I'm on it sir!" That's how my crazy adventure started...

that's as far as I'm going. Remember to leave coments saying what you liked what you think I should change, add in, etc.


beth said...

Great story! Thanks for sharing. I don't think I could possibly offer any suggestions that would stand up to your obviously clever writer's mind. Keep up the writing! love you! love, mom.

Anonymous said...

Hey what happened to the other part you were writing?